January 2008
52 posts
“Try this: Count the number of times a cricket chirps in 15 seconds, and add 37....”
– - rulesofthumb.org At first I thought this was a joke, but I’ve been assured that this indeed works. Unfortunately, however, I live in a country where Celsius rules so that little cricket needs to start doing some .3 chirping before I can impress anyone with this trick.
“People are willing to walk for seven minutes to get to a McDonald’s....”
– Terry Moloney, applied geographer, Tydac Technologies Corporation, Arlington, Virginia
They even find me on sick days.
Client: And on what material should I print this paper?
BR: Uh... paper?
Client: Yes but what do I print the paper on to?
BR: Uh...paper?
“If you were a Transformer you’d be FAGOTRON.”
– YouTube commenter via Dooce.
This should not be on the front page. →
See - even our papers suck here from time to time.
Let's do a Food Swap. PLEASE...
I can no longer rely on friends in North America to fulfil their friendly obligations to send me the food I desperately miss from home. If you are interested in sending me a few foodstuffs that I’ve decided are integral to my being - ie CANADIAN Kraft Peanut Butter, Kraft Russian dressing, Coffee Crisps, etc… please let me know. Yes I can get some of these products here, but...
Well, thank f I don't have "a scrotal." →
For the past 2 weeks that I’ve been sick, I’ve re-routed my laptop permanently to my lap. At least 30 times a day, I keep thinking to investigate something I heard ages ago - that placing a laptop on your lap for extended periods of time increases your chance of getting cancer in your nether regions. According to my in-depth research, my lack of testes insures that I’m sweet....
“I will now have the opportunity to do this 24 hours a day on a platform that...”
– Oprah, re her new tv channel.
New Topical Busted Tee →
— rickyv God: I promise I will go to church every week for 2 months, well maybe 2 Sundays in a row, if you ensure that this little shit NEVER sees that a piece of apparel has been made in his honour. Oh, and if you can do something about those Pro-Activ commercials with JS as well, I’ll even throw a little more than a gold coin in the collection plate. Cheers and Peace be with You - BR
Is it wrong that I'm seriously tempted to try... →
“A clear idea is one that fits on the back of a business card.”
– RulesofThumb.org
Sundance
I go to Park City during Sundance to go snowboarding — here’s why: The film industry assholes drive the hotel prices sky high, so the average joes skip the mountain that week, and then those same film festers go drink themselves into oblivion every night leaving the slopes empty in the morning. Last year, I could count on one hand how many times I waited in line for a lift. My...
I may be getting old, but you'll always be older.
Bloomin: I was up all night trying to make my ITunes hip again. Feel like I'm getting so old when I recognise maybe 60% of the names in the Top 100 downloads.
A: Ha ha. Only 60%?
Bloomin: Yeah, but I did finally get off my arse and download Kanye's Stronger. I've been jammin' to that all day.
A: Who?
(Next day in the car, JT's Summer Love comes on the radio).
Bloomin: This is Kanye. Do you like this song?
A: I KNEW I knew that guy. But no, this song sucks.
Congratulations Paul! →
I can’t wait to hear that it’s finally happened.
The best $2.95 you'll spend. (At least here in... →
Considering it costs $3.50 to use public transport in Melbourne and $3.00 for a 600ml bottle of Diet Coke, I consider this an increasingly rare example of value for money. From an article in the Feb ‘08 issue on 57 Sporting Cliches and what they really mean: “We’ve got to put our best foot forward.” Reality: The problem is, in order to get anywhere, the crap foot is going...
"Corey Worthington, Legend" →
“I suggest you take a long hard look at yourself.” “I have. Everyone has. They love it.” — rickyv When they showed this little dude on CNN International today, I seriously couldn’t believe the story had blown so much. The news and papers here have been filled with his parents telling him to get his punk ass home and face the music as he headed for hills when his...
Free LAX Shuttle to In-N-Out Burger →
Have some time to kill at LAX? Gadling’s got the parking shuttle hack. — courtneyc I feel like I’m channeling Cinderella circa 1988 right now. I haven’t thought about one of these burgers in about 6 months and even though I lived in LA for how long, I would only ever eat one maybe once a month at the most. Now I MUST have one. You can bet your bottom dollar that Parking...
Jessica - 1. Bloomin - 0.
I changed the channel after my last rant and basically let the tv play on low while reading a magazine. I just looked up to find Simpson’s face splashed across my tv again. No need to advise if the ProActiv informercials are on tv back home. I’m taking a wild guess that they’ve blown their entire advertising budget here in Aus. This is why I need to get my sleeping pattern...
I'm going to smack this girl down - REALLY soon.
American friends: Please tell me that Jessica Simpson is schilling Pro-Activ in the US as well, and that Australians aren’t the only ones getting bombarded late at night with her yappy-arse pimple talk. And this: “I love it so much, it’s crazy” is enough to make me want to scream. Loudly. Despite the fact that I barely can talk right now. Ugh. UPDATE - frickin’...
Least favourite thing #1 →
When I lived in LA, I first lived in Santa Monica, then Bev Hills and then DOWNTOWN. That’s right folks - downtown LA. The place avoided by most unless they’re heading to Gehry’s latest masterpiece - oh, and Johnny Depp who has apparently just bought in my old building. There are thousands of homeless people in a small area, and the majority of them construct homes out of...
Not that I condone this... →
And I’d kick the living pee out of anyone who tried to tag my house, but these graffiti dudes are really cool. I’ve been to their studio and hung out with them for a bit after a show, and they really are rather quite artiste-y about their work. Oh, and I’m quite sure that they just nail buildings, not residences although I could be mistaken. Not that that point makes any of...
“All children are artists. The problem is, how to remain an artist once he/she...”
– Pablo Picasso
Pick up your game pal.
It’s not Mel-borne. It’s more like Mel-burn but with the “r” almost silent. I’m talking to you Jim Courier - you should know better considering you’re here every bloody year.
Favourite thing #4 →
I’m starting to feel like Oprah here - but I’ll keep posting them as I remember them. Dear Mr Chris Kalani - This song has been both a blessing and a curse. While I do appreciate the multiple times Loituma has visited me both while awake and in my dreams, I fear that my neighbours think I’m a bit strange although they did seem to be genuinely disappointed when I had to inform...
My one true love (now that Gretzky's over the... →
Yes, I still love Gretzky, Bobby Orr, Beckham and Roger Maris, however I’ll always hold a special place in my lusty heart for Doug Flutie. Not only did he suck it up and play in the CFL when no one wanted him in the States, but I met him quite a bit during his run with the Stampeders and he was just an absolute doll. Also, the fact that he finally made it to the NFL with my Bills is just...
Let's add some more fuel to the Bloomin fire.
Unfortunately, there was no wallet in the cab. But the good news is she’s coming by tonight to pick the camera up, and I’m going to do everything possible to make her fall in love with me. Step aside, Patrick Moberg — and hope there’s room for two at the top! — jakoblodwick You know what Jakob? At some point you’re going to find someone who solely just likes you...
So much for secrets.
I’m trying to post as much as I can now because I’m on dr’s orders to stay in the house for a few days and this is the best chance for me to get my old stuff up before I’m back to work, but it seems that either a few people have randomly found my email and are just writing now about things from the old site, or they’ve found this tumblr. I have no problem with either...
Favourite thing #3 →
When I was living in Santa Monica in 2002, we lived next door to a group of girls who were in a band named Raining Jane. (I’d link to them right here but I don’t know how to link within text yet - shut up haters). Being great neighbours, while also satisfying our need to consume alcohol on an almost nightly basis, we would gleefully trot to the Temple Bar (another bloody link needed...
Favourite thing #2 →
Although I met (and shared a house with one of) these guys in LA, I had never seen one of these Kiwi spoons/knives (snives?) anywhere in North America until I met the boys and they showed me their work. These snives are almost Seinfeld-esque in their simplicity - you need a knife to cut the Kiwi and a spoon to get the fruit out. Who woulda thunk it? Now that I’m currently bunkered in...
Favourite thing #1 →
I randomly stumbled upon this gang about 6 months ago. I think I had Googled “pomegranate juice” so I could finally use up a Kris Kringle gift in an alcoholic kinda way and I was directed to a website that one Zach Klein and one Courtney Lewis created documenting their experiments with cooking. Sweet concept, sweet results. From there, it lead me to Vimeo and to probably the...
Take that haters.
I set the time on this nifty tumblr all on my own. I just KNEW ‘08 was going to be my year.
I figure I’m going to add a few of my favourite things from my last site to this one so I can still keep them right at my fingertips. Sad side note - after the Reign of Terror during the end of my last relationship leading to the disappearance of one Powerbook amongst a LOT of other crap, I am no longer left with ANY personal photos of the last 4 years of my life other than ones you can...
Real tennis = no Bloomin love. Wii tennis = Mucho...
It’s Australian Open time here in Melbourne and I have to admit that I’m almost giddy with glee. I learned very quickly that Australians go crazy for sport in general and this is no exception. Luckily, I absolutely adore tennis although it is most definitely not a mutual admiration society. And the fact that I’m quarantined on dr’s orders at the moment means I should...
Reminder to self - add 8 hours to current time to get Tumblr time. (ie it’s 8.16pm here)